Srila B.R. Sridhara Swami
We must be very suspicious that ‘I have got devotion.’ That is independent. We cannot capture and keep it within my fist. Very subtle, as I am gross, very subtle, very efficient, and in all respects that is a higher thing. Only our self-abnegation and our humility can draw His grace towards us. Do you follow?
…We can never assert and say that I have got in my possession that higher thing. His grace extended may be withdrawn, any moment, any second. We are going to cast our fate to such infinitely uncertain substance. But that is higher. I want His company for my good fate. And again to enter there, how difficult. Mahaprabhu says to warn us against our disability in this way: na prema-gandho ‘sti darapi me harau …
[na prema-gandho ‘sti darapi me harau
krandami saubhagya-bharam prakasitum
bibharmi yat prana-patangakan vrtha]
[“My dear friends, I have not the slightest tinge of love of Godhead within My heart. When you see Me crying in separation, I am just falsely exhibiting a demonstration of My great fortune. Indeed, not seeing the beautiful face of Krishna playing His flute, I continue to live My life like an insect, without purpose.”—Chaitanya-charitamrta, Madhya-lila, 2.45]
eMail of March 27, 2013-
My dandavats Prabhu Dayalu Dulal,
Knowledge really means surrender in devotion which is absent in me and which I can only meagerly and half-heartedly aspire for, So I am not going to attempt research within the sandharbhas any time soon and only if the Reality, Lord Krishna, Who is beyond material time gives me the inspiration to do so
How will you know it is Krishna’s inspiration and not your mind if “surrender in devotion is absent in” you?
It has always puzzled me when I hear disciples of our gurus speak this way.
Sripada Janardana Maharaja said a similar thing to me, and I did not find it believable. Here’s what he said (speaking for the SCSM International Acharya Board):
“We don’t care what Govinda Maharaja’s Will says, we know what he wants.”
While I take Srila Govinda Maharaja’s written Will to be the expression of what he wants, others profess to have some special internal knowledge like yours, where guru or Krishna will directly speak to them and direct them, sometimes in ways, such as in this example, which contradict what the gurus have directly spoken or written.
Previously we were told by the GBC that they “knew what Prabhupada wanted.” Srila Sridhara Maharaja rejected that completely. Yet it still keeps popping up, here and there, even from the SCSM International Acharya Board.
Recently a disciple (RSd) [Radha-Syam dasa] of Srila Govinda Maharaja, who had unequivocally declared his acceptance of me as the single bonafide acharya after Srila Govinda Maharaja, a man who took initiation in 2007 as I recall, rejected something I told him regarding my disciple’s qualification for second initiation, stating this:
“Srila Gurudeva will tell me and I will believe it”
When I asked RSd to explain “How will Srila Gurudeva tell you?” He ignored my question in his next email to me and became angry and perturbed with me.
I then asked the question again (in RSd’s email to me- “I can hear from him”, “him” means my disciple and “anyone else” includes me.). This was my email to RSd:
I am asking you to simply explain your meaning of a short statement you made regarding our Gurudeva.
> I can hear from him or anyone else that he is qualified, but Srila Gurudeva will tell me and I will believe it.
How will Srila Gurudeva tell you?
Since my sending the above email, he has refused to communicate with me.
Fortunately I have found you, who must be able to answer my question as you seem to be making a similar declaration:
I am not going to attempt research within the sandharbhas any time soon and only if the Reality, Lord Krishna, Who is beyond material time gives me the inspiration to do so
Try as I might, I cannot get any reliable inspiration from Lord Krishna, while all around me others, even those so much junior to me, believe they are getting it in a steady stream.
When asked to respond to Sripada Yati Maharaja’s declaration (in his introduction to his SB) that he had a vision of his guru (Sripada Tirtha Maharaja) as Bimala manjari, who gave him various instructions on presenting his new edition of SB, the gist of my present conundrum was explained by Srila Guru Maharaja thusly:
Sahajiya uses this formula and we cancel them abhorrently. On the other side such things really are existing and must be approached by the sincere student seeking higher level of devotion.—83.11.06.B_83.11.07.A
Today we are celebrating Sriman Mahaprabhu’s appearance, who I understood was showing us the way to search for Sri Krishna.
While I am engaged in this search, so many of my friends are leaving me behind, having already found the object of their search, or are sure they are just about to realize it.
My inclination up until now has been to regard them as Srila Guru Maharaja did, “we cancel them abhorrently.”
You seem to want me to believe the opposite. That there are so many around me, both senior to me and very junior, in whom “such things really are existing.”
Perhaps you intended a different meaning to your words than I derived from them. If so, I will be happy to know the real meaning.
Maybe I also misunderstood the intent of the words in all the other examples I cited above. If you think this is the case, I welcome you to dispel my misunderstanding.
In any event, I look forward to your offering the solution to my various conundrums regarding the above issues.
Still searching, after all these years,